Monday, January 5, 2009

Happy 44th Birthday Mike

Yes, today Mike is 44. Just about 8 years ago, our lives were drastically changed. When I think about all that Mike has been through and how many birthdays he never really got to enjoy, I am sad. I looked at him over the weekend and realized just how much weight he has lost. His back is all bones, his arms are so small and I am beginning to see his cheekbones. This frightens me. I am so aware of how little he is eating, especially compared to what he used to eat. I pray that he will somehow gain his appetite back, but I don't think that will happen. All these steps are just the "normal" progression of this disease. I need to constantly remind myself that if Mike loses weight, or does not eat alot, it's not for the lack of trying. We ALWAYS have food for him and we are ALWAYS giving it to him. If he can't finish it, or starts having trouble swallowing it, there is nothing I can do. I am helpless at those times and realize that this disease may finally be winning.

I also got a call today from my niece. She's going through some tough times right now, and I am so sad that I cannot be there for her more. She is the shining star of the family, she is the sweetest, most sincere, beautiful and thoughtful person I have ever met. It's no wonder that Mike loved her so much. I pray that she will find the peace that she is looking for. I pray that the right people will be able to show their love to her and help her realize her dreams and accept her for the special person that she is. I love you Kristin.

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