Life Goes On

This past Friday/Saturday, I took Courtney and Brandon into NYC. We saw Shrek -The Musical on Friday night and stayed at the Marriott Marquis. The next day we became "real" tourists and did the tour via double decker bus. We stopped at ground zero (World Trade Center) which we had not been since before the tragedy of 9/11. It was quite eerie, even though we couldn't see anything because of the enclosure for construction. Yet I could somehow feel the emptiness and sadness taking over the area. Everyone there was quiet and respectful. Peeking through the barricade set up, we could see the "footprints" of the twin towers and the massive hole was overwhelming. The sheer magnitude of the tragedy hit all over again. After our stop at ground zero, we got back on the bus and headed back to Times Square. About 10 mins. in, the heavens opened up and we got drenched. We were provided with rain ponchos, but it came down so fast and so heavy that I got soaked anyway and my poncho had a puddle in my lap. We laughed so hard.

This week we prepare for Courtney moving into college. Her move-in date is Thursday. A friend of ours works at Hofstra and he took Courtney to get the lay-out of her room. In a dorm development of 14 2-story houses, hers is one of the furthest from the parking lot and she's on the 2nd floor and the building has NO ELEVATORS!!! Yep, that's what I said. I warned my sister and niece (who will be coming in from PA to help us) and we all agreed that there will be some funny stories coming out of that day.

The reality of Courtney leaving is something that I'm having issues with. She is my "right hand man". She is my helper, and now I have to get used to her not being here all the time. When we went food shopping on Sunday she said to me, "Mom, this will be the last Sunday I go shopping with you for a while". That simple phrase caught me off guard.

Mike is doing OK. His aide was off yesterday and I had a REALLY difficult time feeding him. He normally drinks 6 glasses a day and yesterday he only drank a total of 3 for me. He did no better with breakfast or dinner. It scares me that if Elaine got sick or went away for any length of time, what could happen. I don't know how she does it, but she does. There was a time during this illness that Mike wouldn't do things for anyone but me, now he does things for everyone else but NOT me. He does appear to be slowing down more, but as always, when I spend any length of time by myself with Mike, I tend to think too much and find myself getting more nervous. He has two sores (one on his shoulder and the other on his thigh) that I am watching. I haven't heard anything from Hospice about the discharge. It's like sitting on dynamite. I have to follow-up with the other agency that was supposed to evaluate him on Wednesday. Other than that, as always, I take things one day at a time.

I miss Mike especially during this time in our lives. While he is still around, I don't believe he is aware that Courtney is going to college, nor is he appreciating the process. I have no one to share my feelings with and that is hard, as it normally is during these milestones in our lives :(