Happy Birthday to Me :(

Today is my birthday - yes I'm 21 again.

Mike was not his best today, but I got a great big smile and laugh from him. The picture was taken during that laugh. I know he looks pathetic, with his glasses being held together by duct tape. We are impatiently waiting for his other glasses to come back repaired.
Today brought the usual fears and concerns. Much like the last time Mike was hospitalized (May), I spent everyday with him, most of the time by myself. I've seen every cough, every breath and I get scared. The kids keep reminding me that I felt the same way in May, but then Mike came home, to his own house, his own bed and on his own schedule. He managed fine and remained "status quo" for quite some time. My fear remains pretty much the same as then - what happens if he can no longer eat and forgets how to swallow? Will we be strong enough to accept that fact? In accepting that fact, we will in essence, be saying "good-bye". The kids and I had that talk a few years ago, and we all agreed that when Mike can no longer swallow, we will be able to accept it, because we would know that he would otherwise be suffering and run the risk of choking. Now that the reality is closer, I'm afraid that the kids will have a harder time than they thought. I just keep trying the stress to them that I would much rather see Mike at peace, than using every ounce of strength to swallow something he can't.

I pray to God for strength and courage for ALL of us.