Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Hidden Emotions

Last Sunday at mass, an older man in the front pew was having some problems. Courtney and I thought he might be having a heart attack. His family tried to comfort him without too much commotion, but too many people saw what was happening. The priest stopped his homily and a member of the congregation called 911. Luckily, there was a nurse present and she tended to him while he waited for the ambulance. He looked scared and confused. Most people were concerned of course. For me, it hit HARD. I guess all the supressed emotions of times when I was caring for Mike in time of emergency pushed through. My heart started palpitating, I started sweating and ringing my hands and I teared up. I had to control myself for fear of looking like an idiot, but that was hard.
The man's name is Albert and we all prayed for him. We do not know what happened, but were relieved to see him walking to meet the ambulance. I can assume that whenever I may run across an incident like this, my reaction will be the same. When emergencies happened with Mike, I usually stayed strong and stoic for him and the kids. I now realize incidents like this will stir up those repressed emotions and open the floodgates for these emotions.
Also yesterday, Mike had another "S". This is his third in 6 months. I was not home when it happened, but my mom, Walter and his aide saw it (Brandon heard it from upstairs and came running down). My mom, understandable, was QUITE shaken and I feel guilty that she had to witness it. So now begins another phase of walking on eggshells and wondering what will happen next.

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