Monday, October 22, 2007

Week #2

Well, this is week 2 without Nathan. God has sent an angel named Sandra to care for Mike, I just hope she can come back for week #3. All is status quo there and for that I am thankful.

Last night, Mike had MANY more jerky movements, in fact it was practically non-stop from 8-12:00 a.m. I actually gave him additional medication at that time, which made me more concerned because I am so afraid to give him anything while he is sleepy for fear that he will choke. I just could not get to sleep and needed to do something. It's at those times that I feel most vulnerable. It's then that I realize just how alone I am. If I was caring for a parent, I would most likely have a spouse to help keep me strong, but because my spouse is the sick one, I am all by myself. I get scared and have no one to lean on, no one to hold me. Sometimes I just want to "step away" from the situation and I realize that I can't because there would be no one else to "step in". There is no one to share responsibilities with, nor anyone to comfort me. Last night was rough and I can only hope that this cycle will end soon. I guess most people would perceive me as the strong type, but the reality is, that inside I am as scared and frightened as anyone else. Nightime is the time of day I dread the most.

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