Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Triple Meltdown

Last night and today were bad days for three of us.

--Last night my brother Frankie found out that his "ex-wife" (not officially divorced yet) has Non-Hogkins Lymphoma. Because she was JUST diagnosed, we have no idea what the treatment or prognosis is. My brother is extremely upset and concerned, as he does still care about her.

--Earlier today, I lost it at my bank. For one and 1/2 years, I have deposited Mike's small private disability check into my account. Last year, when I closed out the account with Mike's name, this bank told me that all I needed was to present Mike's POA and I could deposit into my Trust Account. Today was a different story. I presented the check and the teller (who has done this before with no problem) called the manager over. The manager said that because Mike did not have an account in that bank, they couldn't deposit the check. The POA was useless. I found it strange that after 1 1/2 years, it is NOW becoming a problem. Needless to say, I became quite emotional. The reality of my life and why Mike can't sign his name, coupled with the fact that I had to explain this to the manager for all to hear, was embarassing and humiliating. The manager finally conceded, once she saw my tears and said to the teller, "I don't want to get her more upset than she already is". I still have no idea why this was never a problem before and now all of a sudden it is. The manager could not give me an answer. It's times like this when I realize that all it takes is a small rift to break me. I'm more emotionally fragile than I lead myself to believe.

--Finally, Courtney. The poor kid is SO stressed about us affording college, SHE lost it tonight. From the moment Courtney stepped foot on Fordham's campus, she fell in love. While she was accepted to Fordham, she was also accepted to Hofstra (my alma mater) which is only 15 minutes away from us. They gave her a decent scholarship and they also have a good film department. She is preparing herself for not being able to go to Fordham, because she doesn't think we will be be able to afford it. I don't know if she's trying to convince me or herself that Hofstra will be OK if she winds up going there.
This breaks my heart. I know if Mike was still working, we probably wouldn't have this issue. When I went to college, I had no one to help me - I did everything on my own (my parents had JUST divorced and everything was chaotic). I would love for Courtney (and Brandon when his time comes) to have the full college experience, at a school she loves, which I never had the opportunity to do.
Alzheimer's Disease has robbed my husband of his job, his life, his family and potentially my children's future.


trish said...


I would have lost it at the bank as well. How dare they treat you that way!

For what it's worth on the college dilema... My husband and I both put ourselves through some type of college but did not finish. We had/have good paying jobs. I was fortunate to have the income to send two kids to state schools with out loans and still support the family. Our oldest graduated last December and has not found a job. I'm glad that she did not have loans as the economy is very bad right now. My point is if possible avoid letting your children go into debt. We want our kids to be more sucessful than we were but sometimes if they have to work harder they will be better off down the road.

Take care,

Karen H said...

Thanks Trish -

I realize all that, it's just SO hard. Knowing that this EOAD gene is "floating around", I just pray that my children get the opportunity to do what they REALLY want and what makes them happy.
I hope all has been well with you and I thank you for helping me through this.