Thursday, May 3, 2007

Evolution to Acceptance

This disease is such a long road, one in which priorities change constantly.

I remember when Mike was first diagnosed, I was selfishly upset that he couldn't drive. It may sound petty, but how many times do you look to your spouse to run a quick errand that you have no time for? Not having Mike drive was a big adjustment for the both of us.

Since Mike was often at home by himself during the week, he would look foward to getting out and running errands with us on weekends. Unfortunately, this eventually had to stop when he began his anger/agitation stage. I remember a day all too well, when we were in King Kullen getting ready to check out and he just started gettting very angry, swinging arms etc. The kids took him out to the car to relax and I quickly checked out the groceries. That was probably the last time we took him into a store.

After his 7 week stay in the hospital for medicine adjustments, he came home unable to walk or talk well. This was another big adjustment and scary for all of us. We were concerned about communicating and how we would do be able to understand his needs.

Since Mike began requiring constant supervision, I was often envious of people that could just "pack up and go" whenever they wanted to wherever they wanted. As I walked the dog at night (on our corners - just in case something happened I would be close to the house), I would look at families driving by at night and wonder where they were going - movies, out to eat, beach etc. I longed for that spontaneity.

But things happened along the way, by way of Mike being hospitalized some 7 times over 1 1/2 years. We had some close calls and it was then that I realized all the other concerns were nonsense.

Now, we all very much enjoy a nice quiet night at HOME with everyone together, happy and healthy. Being so close to losing that, we realize how important it really is. We are happy that Mike is at home, comfortable in his own home and bed surrounded by everyone he knows. After spending so many long nights at the hospital with him there at night by himself, and me at home worrying about him, it's so calming to know that he is with us, where he belongs.

Little things mean so much and I now realize that me being the only driver in the house is really no big deal.

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