Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Rushing

I am getting SO TIRED of rushing for the sake of others. I am forever doing all I can to appease everyone and I can't break the habit. If my mom needs something, I gotta get it. The aide wants to leave early - I rush home so she can leave (even though she comes in late sometimes when I NEED her in on time). If the kids need to go somewhere, I have to switch my schedule around to accommodate them. My boss frequently takes vacations (he can after all, he is THE boss) but when I need to take a day to do something (NOT for myself) I feel bad and he gets upset. I don't think I have taken a day just for myself in Y-E-A-R-S. All the time I have taken from work has been because of aide issues, Mike issues, kid appointments, my doctor appointments etc. - NEVER just for me.
I want to walk to the beat of my own drummer for once. I want to pace myself and get where I get and do what I need to do..... on my own time - not for anyone else. I know I will never be strong enough to follow through with this, but it will remain a dream of mine.

2 comments:

Diane said...

As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. Some day things will be very different for you and you might look back and wish for something to keep you so busy. In the meantime, you DO need to have some "ME" time. Life is a series of faucets and drains. You have your share of drains, and if you don't get to a faucet soon, your drain will be completely empty! Karen, find a faucet and refill that part of you that is craving a "normal" life. A few weeks ago Christa and I met for dinner and she even suggested that maybe we should ask you to join us next time. If you could get someone to cover you at home, we could do that. It's just a suggestion, but you seriously need to plan a day for YOU. Be it a spa day, or a day out in wine country...I'm sure that Mike would want you to do this for yourself. (((HUG)))

Karen H said...

Thank you. I know there will be days, when I WISH I was running around, but for now, I just need some down time. Dinner is always an option, although I can never really plan in advance. My life is lived in the moment.