I am getting SO TIRED of rushing for the sake of others. I am forever doing all I can to appease everyone and I can't break the habit. If my mom needs something, I gotta get it. The aide wants to leave early - I rush home so she can leave (even though she comes in late sometimes when I NEED her in on time). If the kids need to go somewhere, I have to switch my schedule around to accommodate them. My boss frequently takes vacations (he can after all, he is THE boss) but when I need to take a day to do something (NOT for myself) I feel bad and he gets upset. I don't think I have taken a day just for myself in Y-E-A-R-S. All the time I have taken from work has been because of aide issues, Mike issues, kid appointments, my doctor appointments etc. - NEVER just for me.
I want to walk to the beat of my own drummer for once. I want to pace myself and get where I get and do what I need to do..... on my own time - not for anyone else. I know I will never be strong enough to follow through with this, but it will remain a dream of mine.