Friday, August 1, 2008


Today I was getting ready to leave for work. I went up to Mike, like I do every morning, and gave him hugs and kisses. I asked him to please have a good day. He shook his head "no". Hmmmm , it caught me off guard, and I thought, maybe it was just a reflex. But I still addressed it and said, "why wouldn't you have a good day Mike?" He shrugged his shoulders, as if to say "I don't know".

So for the rest of the day I was quite perplexed. Was Mike's body just reacting, and his actions just happened to have been the correct responses to what I was asking him? Was he aware of what I was asking? It numbed me. What if Mike REALLY does understand??? In the beginning of this illness, he told me point blank, " Karen, everything is right up here (pointing to his head), but I just can't get it out here (pointing to his mouth)".

I am so thankful that we almost always include Mike in our conversations, but now I worry about the times we did not. Did he realize he wasn't included? Has he heard and understood each and every conversation we've had?

Who are we to know, but for today at least, his actions absolutely did go along with my comments. It gives me reason to believe that he still understands. Sometimes that's a good thing, but sometimes it's not.

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