Courtney passed her road test yesterday and I am thankful. She was SO nervous, she was driving me crazy. I was so concerned about what she would be like if she failed, but thank God I never had to find out. All this means to me, is more worry, although she is really in no hurry to drive. She's not a fan.
Next week and the week after, we will be going to look at colleges. We cannot do what others normally do and go away for a few days and work in various school tours. I am trying to look at 2 colleges each day and be back home in time to get Mike into bed. The first 2 are up in Poughkeepsie (3 hours away) and we are going there next Tuesday. The following Tuesday we will be heading to Bronxville and Purchase. Courtney wants to go away to school, but for obvious reasons, she does not want to go far. She wants to know that she can come home on weekends and be home quickly if she needed to be. Of course, it's not the best way to live, but right now, it's our life.
I try not to plan anything these days because I have witnessed over and over again, how things can change with Mike on a dime. I put off these college visits for so long, but I realized that I need to take that chance and just go. It's not fair to Courtney to not do this. Of course I get concerned about "what if's", but I have to take that chance that for one day, things will continue to be OK. This morning though, my mom played into my nervousness and asked, "what would we do if something happened while you were so far away". I told her to call an ambulance and then call me. I wish she would have been more positive and not even mentioned "what if's", but she did and of course, now it's on my mind.
For much the same reasons, I have not done much with Courtney and Brandon this summer. Courtney is BEGGING me to go to Great Adventure (2 hours away) for the day, but I get concerned for all of the reasons mentioned above. It's times like these when I question myself as to whether I am doing the right thing with keeping Mike at home.
Mike's toe has been red again and he's had a low grade fever twice in the last 1 1/2 weeks. I'm not sure what's happening there, but I worry because it always seems to be something. The good news is that Mike was approved for straight Medicaid, which means that at the end of this month we will be able to put him on Hospice. All I can do is pray that Mike stays healthy and out of the hospital until then. Our goal with hospice is obvious for the long term, but for the short term, we're hoping that with their help, we can keep Mike out of the hospital as much as possible. The stress that it puts on Mike, the kids and myself is tremendous and Mike NEVER comes out of the hospital without some kind of infection/rash or illness that he didn't have going in.
That's our story for now. There's ALOT of big changes going on and I continue to pray for strength in dealing with them.