Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Roller Coaster Ride

There has been so much on my mind lately and so much to reflect upon.

Much has to do with Courtney's senior year and graduation in June. I remember when Mike was first diagnosed, I feared that he would not be with us when Courtney graduated from High School. That day, I thought about all that he would miss and what graduation would be like for both Courtney and Brandon without Mike there with us. Now, graduation is a mere 8 months away. Only God knows whether Mike will be with us then, but I am very thankful for all the years we've had together. When Mike's mom was diagnosed, things moved so quickly. She went into a downward spiral right away and within 5 months, she was unable to walk, talk and care for herself. We had 3-4 good years with Mike before he got really bad.

I have been searching through pictures to use for Courtney's yearbook ad and it is so bittersweet. I am SO thankful that we have those pictures, but looking back at them and seeing how much Mike had changed over such a short period of time, is sad. I had never before paid attention to the sadness in his face. Of course, there were pictures of him smiling and laughing with us, and those will forever have a special place in my heart.

This truly has been one big roller coaster ride. There have been ups and downs and turns that we couldn't anticipate. I often find myself hanging on (to hope) with all my might, so afraid that I will drop. I cling to my faith on a daily basis, knowing that that has been my CONSTANT support and strength. There were days when I just didn't want to get on the ride, but I had no choice. There were, and still are, days when I feel like this is all one big nightmare and I will wake up and be so grateful.

I can't believe it's been 7 1/2 years since Mike was diagnosed. This disease has changed us in so many ways. It has taken so much away, and at the same time, has given us more than we ever expected - both good and bad. I dont' know what tomorrow or the next day will bring. I will continue to cling onto the ride, not knowing whether I will be going up or down. I can't anticipate the turns, but I will always have my faith to keep me safe and secure.

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