Just Another Day

I went to the doctor last night and he believes I have the same sinus infection that I had back in December and it has never completely gone away. On to a new round of antibiotics.
Brandon is counting down the days until his cast comes off (2). Hopefully this Thursday he will become "cast free".
Courtney is counting down the days to Disney (senior trip) and waiting anxiously to find out financial aid information from Fordham. All college deposits need to submitted to the schools by May 1st.
Mike is still our "energizer bunny". He's not smiling as much as he used to and he's becomming a bit more rigid. It's harder to straighten his arms and fingers - all just another part of the disease.

Fundraiser

Yesterday, my good friend held a fundraiser with all proceeds going to the 2 organizations of my choice: Long Island Alzheimer's Foundation and Alzheimer's Assocation. It WAS a success and they raised $3,300.00. I was so happy and humbled by all those that attended and donated money. I can't even say enough about all the dancers who performed. The amount of time and energy they put into this performance was unbelievable. Everyone that paid the $20.00 for the ticket was pleasantly surprised. I apologize for the "out of focus" picture, but it was one of the best ones we had.

This was just one more example of the generosity of strangers and the kindness of friends. Amazingly, this journey has made us well aware of all the good in this world.

On the COMPLETE flipside, we are also reminded of the meaness of others. This morning when I opened the curtains in our front room and saw a hole in the window. Looking closer I saw that apparantly someone had shot a BB gun at our front window. In fact, the BB was still inside the window. I called the police and reported the incident, just in case anything else happens. It unnerves me to think about what would have happened if it went through BOTH panes of glass. Now I have to call the insurance company to see if I'm covered.

The Wet Bar

Years ago, the front room of our home was an outdoor porch. The people we bought the house from had enclosed that porch and built a "wet bar" in it. When Mike and I saw the house for the first time, we were so excited about the bar. Our sellers had told us that every Friday night, they would have a "date night". They would sit at the bar together, no matter what was going on in their lives" and have a drink and discuss their kids, work etc. Mike and I were hoping we would be able to carry on that tradition. We did have a few parties that first year in the house and we did utilize the wet bar. I have great memories of those days, but once the kids came along, that became their "play room". Mike and I would often joke about the transition. It was a great location for the kids to play because it was right off the living room and they could be within eyesight. At Christmas time, we put our tree in that room, so the presents and mayhem would be out of the way.
It is that room that we have made our bedroom. When Mike began having a difficult time negotiating the stairs, one of the contractors he knew, volunteered his time and ripped out the wet bar and old cast iron radiator in order to make room for our bed. With some other minor repairs and changes, some paint, new lights and a beautiful wall tapestry, it has become "our room". The same reasons it was a good playroom for the children are the same reasons why it's a good bedroom for Mike and I. After he's in bed at night, he is right there for us to see and check on, but still in his own room. It's quiet and peaceful.
Since Mike hasn't been able to speak for about 5 years now, I have come to relish the time that I share with him in the room. It's just he and I, closed off from the world. I often lay there and think back to the day we first saw the house and the wet bar. Mike was so excited that he would have a room to call his very own. How ironic.
Whenever I get sick, like I've been this week, I sleep on the couch in the living room, so as to keep my germs away from Mike as much as possible. It's then that I realize just how much I miss him. I don't see him all day because I'm at work, and nightime is the only time we get to be together. Mike may not be able to talk to me, but when I lay there with him, I talk to HIM. I tell him about the kids, work etc.
We may not be sitting at a wet bar, but the tradition continues......

Fun Times

Everything is still "status quo", reassuring me once again that Mike IS the Energzier Bunny.

Courtney went out Friday night with her friends and came home later than normal. I knew where she was and when she was coming home, but I was STILL a nervous wreck. How I wish that I had Mike with me to calm my fears. She came home at 1:30 a.m. as planned. I've tried to tell her over and over again, I trust her implicitly, it's the other nuts driving around at that hour that make me nervous. We got through that night unscathed - thankfully.

Brandon's turn came on Saturday night. His friend's mom invited a few of the boys to the movies and out to dinner for her son's 16th birthday. I was trying to reach him all night to determine when I would have to pick him up. FINALLY at 10pm he called to say that he would be sleeping over his friend's house. By 10:01pm I was in my PJ's.

I started the search with Courtney for dresses for all her upcoming events: her friend asked her to be her Confirmation Sponsor (June), in lieu of a prom her school has a "Senior Send Off" where they take the kids into the city and they take a dinner cruise around Manhattan (June) and then there's graduation (also June). Although June is 3 months away, it's not enough time to find outfts for my daughter who HATES dressing up. She LOVES casual attire, so dresses, shoes and stockings are torture for her. This in turn, tranforms into torture for me. Courtney is not a very "polite" person when she is stressed or angry/frustrated. It's going to be a L-O-N-G 3 months....................

The Shack

While shopping at Target one day, Courtney noticed a book called The Shack. She explained to me that Fr. Albert (her religion teacher) recommended it and offered the students extra credit if they read it. Curious, I picked it up and read the description. I purchased it.

It's difficult to get my mom to read, but she finished this book within one week. She raved about it. So, now it's my turn. It's promising to be a really good book and the writing of this author (Wm. Paul Young) is amazing. While reading it, I came across a paragraph that describes perfectly what I have always tried to convey to others about how I feel. Here it is..........
"The Great Sadness had draped itself around Mack's shoulders like some invisible but almost tangibly heavy quilt. The weight of it's presence dulled his eyes and stooped his shoulders. Even his efforts to shake it off were exhausting, as if his arms were sewn into its bleak folds of despair and he had somehow become part of it. He ate, worked, loved, dreamed and played in this garment of heaviness, weighed down as if he were wearing a leadan bathrobe - trudging daily through the murky despondancy that sucked the color out of everything..."

Mike

Christa (our hospice nurse) came by yesterday and confirmed that both of Mike's lungs are congested. We can't tell for sure if it's the same thing that he had 2 weeks ago (and wasn't on antibiotics long enough) or if it is from aspirating. They ordered a different antibiotic so we'll wait and see. He had a fever today (100.4),but it was lower than yesterday. He's eating and drinking the about same. He seems more out of it than usual and I guess that's what's bothering me.

All else is the same. I worry and think - the two do NOT go well together.

The jinx

Laugh all you want, but I DO believe in the "jinx". Yesterday Mike sounded congested and today he woke up with a fever. He had a fever about 2 weeks ago, so I'm not sure if it's the same thing that never went away - OR - is he starting to aspirate more. I called hospice and the nurse should be there sometime this afternoon. I really didn't like the way he sounded last night, so we'll see what they have to say today.

I should learn by now to NEVER say things are going "OK".