I have been having a REALLY difficult time lately with every aspect of my life. Mike and his illness takes up the big part of that pressure. For whatever reason, I feel like I am doing more and more for him. We still do not have an aide for Sundays, so basically, I am working 6 days a week. I love Mike so much, but without an aide to take care of him, I can get nothing else done. This past weekend, Mike's aide left a 1/2 day on Saturday, so my weekend was basically shot.
I am also having a harder time, physically, and that's when I realize..... I'm getting old. When I started this journey, I was 9 years younger and I had my two children to help me. Now I have only one (who for 2 months was out of commission himself) and my body is much more tired. The lack of sleep each night is beginning to drag me down, as is the constant stress of everyday life.
The uncertainty of Courtney's college education and eventually Brandon's weighs heavy on my mind. This is not at all what I thought my life would be like. I hate talking about problems in front of Mike, because I truly believe that he understands so much. I saw a bracelet recently that had "I HATE ALZHEIMER'S" on it and I thought, how appropriate.
There is no hope with this disease, there is no cure. A diagnosis sets in play an avalanche that never stops. Or in the words of the Newsday reporter, a "tsunami" - that destoys everything in it's path.
I truly hope that when we go to Washington, we can open up some eyes and make a strong impact. I have very little faith in politicians, but it's worth a try. I NEED to try. Something has to give.