Triple Meltdown

Last night and today were bad days for three of us.

--Last night my brother Frankie found out that his "ex-wife" (not officially divorced yet) has Non-Hogkins Lymphoma. Because she was JUST diagnosed, we have no idea what the treatment or prognosis is. My brother is extremely upset and concerned, as he does still care about her.

--Earlier today, I lost it at my bank. For one and 1/2 years, I have deposited Mike's small private disability check into my account. Last year, when I closed out the account with Mike's name, this bank told me that all I needed was to present Mike's POA and I could deposit into my Trust Account. Today was a different story. I presented the check and the teller (who has done this before with no problem) called the manager over. The manager said that because Mike did not have an account in that bank, they couldn't deposit the check. The POA was useless. I found it strange that after 1 1/2 years, it is NOW becoming a problem. Needless to say, I became quite emotional. The reality of my life and why Mike can't sign his name, coupled with the fact that I had to explain this to the manager for all to hear, was embarassing and humiliating. The manager finally conceded, once she saw my tears and said to the teller, "I don't want to get her more upset than she already is". I still have no idea why this was never a problem before and now all of a sudden it is. The manager could not give me an answer. It's times like this when I realize that all it takes is a small rift to break me. I'm more emotionally fragile than I lead myself to believe.

--Finally, Courtney. The poor kid is SO stressed about us affording college, SHE lost it tonight. From the moment Courtney stepped foot on Fordham's campus, she fell in love. While she was accepted to Fordham, she was also accepted to Hofstra (my alma mater) which is only 15 minutes away from us. They gave her a decent scholarship and they also have a good film department. She is preparing herself for not being able to go to Fordham, because she doesn't think we will be be able to afford it. I don't know if she's trying to convince me or herself that Hofstra will be OK if she winds up going there.
This breaks my heart. I know if Mike was still working, we probably wouldn't have this issue. When I went to college, I had no one to help me - I did everything on my own (my parents had JUST divorced and everything was chaotic). I would love for Courtney (and Brandon when his time comes) to have the full college experience, at a school she loves, which I never had the opportunity to do.
Alzheimer's Disease has robbed my husband of his job, his life, his family and potentially my children's future.

Updates

Things have been pretty much the same. I am thankful when my life doesn't go into "overdrive" which usually happens anytime that Mike gets sick. I find myself holding my breath everyday, just hoping to make it through another day unscathed.
--The kids are doing well. Courtney is getting nervous about her senior trip to Florida. Her entire class goes to Disney for 4 days and 3 nights, and this will be the first plane ride she will be taking without me. She an EXTREMELY nervous flyer. I keep telling her that she will be SO EXCITED just being on a trip with her friends, that she won't even think about it. She tells me I'm wrong. That trip is at the end of April. Two weeks before Disney, she will be going to Washington DC on a band trip. I'm so glad that she gets to do these things.
--Brandon does his own thing. He's been out alot at his friends house playing basketball, football and video games. I'm glad he's doing more physical stuff and getting outdoors more. When I was a kid, we were ALWAYS outside. Brandon is getting more and more mature everyday and is on my back about getting HIS lerner's permit. He turns 16 in May and can't wait to go and take the test so he can drive. He's the COMPLETE opposite of Courtney, who to this day, still doesn't really like to drive.
--A very dear friend, who owns her own dance studio and teaches dance at St. Brigid's, contacted me in the beginning of the year about doing a benefit show. She was a help to me when Mike was first diagnosed. I gave her the name of two organizations that I thought were VERY helpful to me in the beginning. Her troupe will perform with all proceeds going to Long Island Alzheimer's Foundation and Alzheimer's Association. One of the dancers in the troupe knows David Hyde Pierce. They were hoping he could come, but he is busy rehearsing for a new Broadway show. Instead he is donating two tickets and two backstage passes to the benefit. This will be the grand prize drawing and I HOPE it will bring alot of money in. If anyone is interested in information on the benefit, you can go to: www.alz.org/longIsland.

FaceBook

My sister had suggested I start a "facebook page" because she thought it would be a good idea to connect with old friends. Courtney helped me "set up" and I am now a BIG fan of FaceBook. In the few short days that I have been on, I have been able to connect with a few cousins that I haven't spoken to in years. I have been able to "see" some friends that I previously have only been able to e-mail. For me, FaceBook is like an enhanced e-mail. You can write and share pictures, but also add a little more "fun stuff". I believe I am hooked.

This weekend we also had a surprise visit from Nathan (Mike's old aide). His daughter and grandchildren were in from England and he brought them over to visit with Mike. It was such a GREAT surprise. I hope that Mike knew who it was.

Mike's friend Tom also visited, although Courtney and I were out food shopping at the time. His wife made some homemade Irish Soda Bread for us.

Overall, it was a good weekend.

A Day at the Movies

Last night, at quite the last minute, Courtney found out that the local movie theatre was playing all 5 Oscar nominated movies in one day. The first movie began at 10:30 a.m. and the last started at 9:45 p.m. She had asked a few friends, but no one could go. She was SO disappointed. Remember, movies are her life. She wants to go to college to study film and hopefully one day make movies. She is in all her glory with ANYTHING movies. I felt so bad for her, but I knew there was no way I could spend more than 12 hours out of the house. We compromised. We bought the tickets ($30 each. For 5 movies and a free popcorn, I thought it was a GREAT deal) and saw the first 3 movies: Milk, The Reader and ......Benjamin Button. We were home by 6:45 pm and had enough time to eat before getting Mike into bed.

It was such a GREAT experience. The manager of the movie theatre held a trivia game in between movies (there was an average of 45 min between each one). The audience got so into it. It was like a "day vacation".

When we got home I checked my e-mail and my girlfriend who is organizing the fundraiser for LIAF and Alz. Assoc. wrote to me. Apparantly one of the dancers in her troupe knows David Hyde Pierce. They were trying to get him to come to the fundraiser. He's rehearsing for a new Broadway show though and can't make it. INSTEAD, he donated two tickets and backstage passes to that show which they will be raffling off as the Grand Prize. Courtney is beside herself and hopes she can win it. Oh yeah, she loves Broadway also. Broadway and the Movies - this is her forte.

I also started a FaceBook page and I'm having fun navigating that. Courtney started a campaign on Facebook to try to get her on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. She's got the creativity, it may just help.

A Funny Duet

http://www.facebook.com/ellentv#/video/video.php?v=1095134419505

Besides my family, two of my favorite people are Josh Groban and Ellen DeGeneres. We came across this video and decided to share. Hope it puts a smile on you face like it did for me.

"Single Parent"

While visiting colleges with Courtney and helping her make difficult decisions, the reality of being a "single parent" is forever in the forefront. This situation has been my reality for the last eight years. I am a "single/married" parent. I am married to a wonderful man, but I am unable to turn to him for assistance and support. Single parents tackle difficult decision-making every day, but that is not who I am. I haven't lost my husband (through divorce or death), known what it's like to grieve and then move forward. I grieve every day and I have to make decisions all the while I am caring for my sick spouse. It's not the same as being a single parent. I am the Head of the Household, decision maker, provider, caregiver, mother and friend while at the same time, having the responsiblity of someone else's life in my hands.

Mike's aid came in Sunday and asked to leave early. She worked from 10:30-1:30 (her hours are 9-7 on weekends). Yesterday, she wasn't showing up, so I called her at 9:10 (She's supposed to be here from 8-6 Mon-Fri.). She told me that she was in Brooklyn and would be late. Long story short, she got here at 2pm and seemed genuinely angry with ME that I asked her to come in at all (she left at 5pm). She never cared to realize that I had my day planned out. Brandon was spending the day with his friend, so Courtney and I were going to go to the movies and lunch (get some quality time in before she leaves for college). While Brandon was able to keep his plans, Courtney and I stayed home all day with Mike. We only got 1 1/2 hours in to run some errands. Mike's aid has NO IDEA what her last minute schedule changes does and I can't get her to understand. She doesn't talk to us much, she's very defensive when I do talk to her, and she's not respectful at all to me, my children or my mom/brother. Why is she still with us - you ask??? She's the only one that can get Mike to eat and drink.
Between Sunday night and yesterday morning, I only got 3 cups of juice and 1/2 breakfast into Mike. He had no dinner on Sunday to speak of, just some juice and ensure.
I believe Mike's aid knows how much we need her for Mike, and she sometimes takes advantage. I HATE being in this position.
There's ALOT going on in our home, between Courtney going off to college and Mike's aid being difficult. I just wish I had someone to help me - to be strong for me - someone I could lean on.
But I don't.....I am a "single" parent taking care of an ill spouse. This is Alzheimer's Disease.

A Walk Down Memory Lane

Last week I got a call from an old co-worker. Throughout High School/College, I worked at Friendly's Ice Cream. I developed some wonderful friendships (even my first love) at this time. They were a great bunch of people, crazy and fun. We had a great time working (imagine that) and we often went out afterwards. There were parties, softball games and picnics. As is always the case though, people eventually fell in love, got married, had children and we all lost touch. Well, my old co-worker has organized a "reunion". 25-30 years after scooping thousands of Jim Dandy's, about 35-40 people will be getting together in 2 weeks. They even started a web page and it has been surreal to see some of the pictures posted, old menus and other paraphenalia (sp?) from "the good old days". In anticipation of this upcoming reunion, I started looking through MY old pictures. I spent 2 hours in the attic yesterday afternoon and only touched on a portion of my past. I found great pictures of my Friendly's days along with pictures from my Channel Home Center days. This was where I met Mike and fell in love. Ironically, the two stores were right next to each other, in the same strip mall, and my Friendly family soon became entwined with my Channel family. There was even a period of time when I worked in both places at the same time.

Looking through all those old pictures really brought me back. I realize that Courtney and Brandon will soon be the age I was then. I hope that they each have as much fun as I did and pray that they are more "restrained" than I was. Yes, I admit that I was a little wild, but all my friends were also very respectful and kind. I can only hope that Courtney and Brandon be-friend the same type of people.