Monday, January 10, 2011

What does he See?

It seems to be increasingly difficult to keep Mike "sore-free" these days. His skin is SO sensitive and his system is not very strong. Because of the sore on his bottom, we've had to keep him on his sides more often. Well it was only a matter of time, but he developed a sore on his right thigh. Thankfully the one on his bottom seems to be just about cleared up, but now we have this one. His shoulders also have the beginning of redness and he has been battling diarrhea the last few days. I think it may be C-Diff so I called hospice and they prescribed Flagyl which Mike started yesterday. So far it hasn't helped, but the nurse assured us that it takes time. Because of this, I get concerned about is CONSTANT juggling.
I've find myself more and more staring into Mike's eyes. I wonder what he sees, what he thinks? Sometimes at night I lay next to him and just stare.....What is it like for him? I believe he knows what's going on and who were are, but how could we know for sure. Does he ever feel lonely, scared...God I hope not. I pray each and every day that he feels safe and loved and that we can make him as comfortable as possible. What does he see?
There is so much suffering and illnesses in the world, but Alzheimer's is by far one of the most cruel. Mike can't reach out to us and tell us what's wrong; if he's scared, he can't reach out to us for comfort. Mike hasn't spoken in about 5 years. Imagine not hearing your loved one's voice in 5 years? I miss him SO MUCH and I can only pray that he knows that, because this disease took that basic emotion away from us also.

1 comment: said...

Thank you so much for your honest, insightful voice. Best wishes and strength to you and your family in this new year.