Crazy Weeks

The last two weeks have been difficult to say the least. Mike has been battling this cold, which seems to slowly be coming to an end. The whole time though, was very stressful. The "glop" in his throat was what got me concerned. Not being able to spit it out, always concerned me. Thankfully, he has been sneezing alot and that's creating the same outcome (no pun intended). The last 4 nights though have been terrible. Mike has been waking up having horrible coughing fits that sometimes make him seem like he cannot breath. They often last up to an hour. It's EXTREMELY unnerving and scary, especially when I am all alone at night trying to calm HIM down. Without jinxing the situation, they seem to not be lasting as long, but every night I go to bed afraid and pray they will not happen again. I'm not sure if Mike understands what's happening or whether he can control them.

Brandon graduated Sat. from 8th grade which was, of course, bittersweet. He was Solutitorian and had to give a speech, which he wouldn't let anyone of us read or review. I was nervous for him, but once again, he came through with flying colors and made me very proud. I couldn't believe he wrote and presented such a beautiful speech. Of course, all I kept thinking that day was how proud Mike would be of him and how much I missed having him there with us. When Brandon started that school at age 3, our lives were so different and we held so much promise. How things have changed.

I always pray that I have not taken too much time away from Courtney and Brandon by keeping Mike at home. While they have consistantly told me that they would NOT want him anyplace else, only time will tell if I made the right decision. I pray that they have learned unconditional love, compassion and patience - all of which Mike had in abundance. This is apparant by the love and support we have gotten over the years from Mike's co-workers and friends that knew him well. I am always thankful when the kids get to hear stories of Mike from others, of how much he did for people and what a wonderful person he is. Their kind words are a testament to Mike and all that he is.

Loneliness

I'm not sure if it's the rain today, the lack of sleep, caring for Mike as he battles this bad cold or Brandon's upcoming graduation, but I am feeling terribly sad these days. I guess I realized how very difficult it is to care for a spouse with AD. When someone is caring for a parent, grandparent etc., they usually have their own spouse to help them through the difficult days. They have someone to lean one, to count on, to cry with, to get a hug from. When your spouse with AD is the person you would normally get all this support from, it's a very lonely world. When things happen with Mike, everyone turns to me to ask "Will he be OK"? When the kids are scared, they turn to me for encouraging words.....who do I turn to?

It is very different caring for a spouse. I'm sure (I hope) this sadness with fade, but for now it's here and I needed to vent.

Running on Empty

For the last 4 nights I have gotten little, if any, sleep. Mike developed a cold last week and the nighttime has been very tense. He had originally slept in our bed, but he had a few bad coughing spells, so I decided to let him sleep in the hospital bed in the LR. (Even though he sleeps on "wedges" in our bed, I felt they didn't give him the height he needed to be raised up). I needed to be near him, so one night I slept next to him on a cot, the next on his geri chair. Neither night I slept. He slept much better in the hospital bed, but I was NOT comfortable and very much on "alert". His cough is very lose, and for most people they may have been over it, but unfortunately Mike does not have the ability to cough anything up. I decided to take him to the doctor today (Last week a nurse came by twice to check his lungs - which were OK), but the only appointment I could get was 6:30 tonight. I had to quickly arrange for ambulette transportation which is hard to do, for an appointment after hours and on such short notice, but the insurance company found one. I will feel much better after he sees the doctor, and I only hope it hasn't become anything bad. Please pray.

After a few tense days, my BIL is being discharged from the hospital today. Imagine, quadruple bypass surgery on Fri. and being discharged 6 days later, it amazes me. We're all very glad he seems to be on a quick road to recovery.

Mike still has his cough. Not so much during the day, but always when he wakes up and sometimes at night. I asked his doctor to prescribe an antibiotic for "preventative" reasons and he agreed to. I just don't want this simple "cold" to turn into something much more serious. Even with the antibiotic, there's always a possibility of it turning because of Mike's low immune system, but hopefully, it will keep this illness at bay. All prayers are welcome.

What We Take for Granted

The nurse came yesterday and thankfully said Mike's lungs are clear. His BP and Temp were also OK. I am always concerned and never take anything for granted. Yesterday was a good day, so we'll see what today brings. Things can change on a dime.

This morning I got the BEST gift from Mike. Each morning as I leave for work, I bend down to give him a kiss. Today, HE GAVE ME A KISS, lip puckering and lip smack included. He hasn't done this in I can't remember how long and it made my day :) I felt lighter as I headed into work.

My BIL seems to be on the mend, so far so good. We're all very relieved to hear this and we are updated daily with my sister.

Today, Mike started a cough that I didn't like. I'm waiting for the nurse to come over and listen to his lungs, and depending on what she says, will depend on what I do. I'm not sure if he has congestion, or just "glop" in his throat. If congested, I will be checking with his doctor on treatment because I DO NOT want him in the hospital with pneumonia. I know I don't have a say, but I'm just praying that everything is OK. He's been doing so well, I would hate for him to have another set back.

BIL update

I was just told that my BIL is out of surgery (5 1/2 hours) and is doing fine. He had a quadruple bypass. I truly believe that his stress test was a gift from God, without it, who knows what would have happened. He is in his ICU room and they are trying to get him to take deep breaths and cough. It will be a long road, but one I'm sure he will be thankful for after all is said and done. We are so thankful that all went well.

Nathan should be back on Monday and Mike's been more cooperative in opening his mouth for food. Hopefully the medicine for the thrush is working. He's coughed a few times though and as many of you may know, I'm such a "worry wart". I just hope this was a passing cough and nothing will come of it.