Thursday, October 13, 2011

Not Sure How He Does It

I had to change the dressing on Mike's sores last night and today. I actually had to say a little prayer before I did to give myself strength. They look horrible. I cried the entire time and tried calming him by telling him I was trying to help him. They look worse than ever and I just don't know how he does it??!! How does he deal with that pain each and every single day? I give him Tylenol as needed, but every time they are cleaned out, packed and dressed, he winces, shakes and makes a sound that sounds like he's crying. I HATE IT!! I just can't imagine what he is feeling and there's no way for me to stop it. Hospice gave me Morphine to give him, but I know once he starts getting that, there's no turning back.
I have been in a funk the last few weeks. I have been feeling like I felt when Mike was first diagnosed. My heart aches for him and I wonder what he's thinking and feeling. I understand there needs to be suffering in the world so that people can truly appreciate it when things go well and they feel good. But how much suffering can one disease bring and how much suffering can one person take??? There but for the Grace of God.....


Kathy Knowles said...

I'm so sorry that Mike is in pain like this. It is so hard to see your loved one suffer especially when you are doing something to help him that ends up causing him pain. Prayers are with you.
Blessings for Mike, you, and the kids.

Dolores said...

Dear Karen (love your name, our daughter's name),
I came across your blog this morning, and I've read a lot of your loving and poignant post about your beloved Mike.

I'm so sorry Mike, you and your beautiful children are traveling this journey.....

My husband has Alzheimer's too, but he doesn't have the early onset type. His symptoms began when he was in his 60's and he's 73 now.

I just want you to know how much I respect you! Please know that each of you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I pray a cure will come soon.