Friday, July 9, 2010


Today is the fifth anniversary of my dad's death, but I feel the pain like it was yesterday. I miss him EVERY DAY. In fact I keep his outgoing answering machine message on my voice mail so when I'm having a really bad day, I can listen to his voice. He was my rock, my strength and my "go to" person. I don't feel like I have ever fully mourned his loss - I never had time to break down because I had to be there for Mike. I didn't want to be too upset around Mike (never did, never will) or the kids, so it left me with very little time to grieve. I am having a very difficult time this year because a very dear friend is losing her dad as we speak. He had been ill, but took a bad turn on Monday and hospice was called in. They are keeping vigil around him, but it's only a matter of time. I feel she is blessed that she will be with her dad when he passes and it hurts me more than anything to know that my dad was by himself. I worry - was he scared? Did he know what was happening? Did he feel pain? My faith tells me that whatever pain he felt, passed quickly as he met up with his brother and sister and parents on the other side. I still wish he had not been alone.
Even though my friend is in the process of losing her own dad, she found the right words to comfort me...
"I find a lot of consolation in the fact that we are with him around the clock, but I will tell you as I watch him resting that even with us there in the room he is disconnected from us, because he like I am sure your dad was is being called by God, and although you were not with your dad, he was not alone, god and the angels that came to take him were with him".
Death is a part of life, and like life, it hurts sometimes.
Dad, I miss you each and every day. God bless you. I love you.

1 comment:

Carl in NC said...

I know how you feel about liking to hear his voice. My Dad passed away three years ago, but my mom still has his voice on the answering machine. I like it sometimes when I call and she's not there and I hear his voice :-).

Take care and God bless,