Thursday, September 3, 2009

His Eyes

I look into his eyes and I wonder what he sees. Does he understand? Does he know who I am? I know he knows my voice - he turns his head when he hears it? What is it like for him? Is he trapped in his body, trying to yell, frustrated that no one can hear him? In the beginning, he would point to his head and say to me, "Everything is up here, I just can't get it out here" (while he pointed to his mouth). When he smiles, is he feeling joy? I can spend hours just looking into his eyes, just waiting for the tiniest bit of recognition. I talk about the times of our youth and recount all the fun we had. I tell him all the time that I am SO GLAD we went to Hawaii. That was a bone of contention for family and friends. We had only been married a year when his father passed away. He left Mike some money and we used part of it for our dream vacation. While others thought it wasn't a smart decision because we had just purchased our home and were planning to start a family, we followed our heart and went to Hawaii. To this day, I am SO THANKFUL that we did. We were able to enjoy paradise together and I will always have those memories.
I look into your eyes everyday and wonder. Do you see me? Sometimes it looks as though you are trying to talk to me. Is that my imagination? They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Can you see MY soul? Do you understand just how much I love you? I have never said "why me" with reference to being a caregiver, but I HAVE questioned, "why you"? You are an unbelievable person who would do ANYTHING for ANYONE. You very rarely have anything bad to say about anyone. You brought faith back into my life and you lived that faith every day. You lost so much at such a young age, yet you never lost hope. Your faith guided you and now mine is guiding me. I could never have been able to do this without you. God brought us together because he knew we needed each other.
When I look into your eyes, I realize how thankful I am that you are my husband. I don't know what you see, or what you understand, but I hope you know how much I love you.

1 comment:

Carl in NC said...

I am sure Mike knows how much he is loved by you, Courtney and Brandon. You all are a tremendous example of unconditional love and family togetherness. I can understand those blank looks and the wondering about what our spouses are thinking. I feel the same and trust that Shannon knows how much we care too. I am praying for the transition of the family as Courtney is now away at college. I know it must be difficult for you, but I also know that you are also comforted and encouraged about her continued growth into adulthood. I hope that you have a great Labor Day weekend!

Take care and God bless,