I was talking to a friend the other day about the fact that Courtney will be turning 16 in September and will be able to get her learner's permit for driving. The realization that it will be ME that has to teach her to drive, hit a nerve. I mentioned to my friend that since I was a "single" parent, it was just one of the experiences I would get to share with my children. Then it hit me, I am NOT a single parent. My husband's "body" is here with us, but his "person" is not. It was then that I realized that for the last 6 years, the children and I have lived in limbo.
We cannot and will not mourn the loss of Mike, because Mike is very much with us. Yet, we do not get the chance to share all our special moments with him either. My children have gone through confirmations, graduations, birthdays etc. with their dad, but at the same time WITHOUT their dad. We can never be quite sure what emotion to show, because our lives are in constant limbo. We are happy in the moment, but sad when we realize that Mike is not with us.